Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
