take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
