you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
