Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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