im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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