A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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