where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
