My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
