I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
