Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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