smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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