Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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