Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
