The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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