I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
