For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
