It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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