ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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