this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
