Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
last night I used snow as a chaser
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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