Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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