I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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