All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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