Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
