Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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