I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
