Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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