sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
