I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she smelled like a LAN party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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