I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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