You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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