I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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