so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
