I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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