i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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