If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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