This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
