I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
