the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
