Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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