when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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