i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
