forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
