I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
