I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
