You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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