You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
