She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
