You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
