she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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