If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
