If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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