She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
