What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
