i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
