when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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