I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
