I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
