i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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