No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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