You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize