I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize