I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
