its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
