I CAN MOONWALK!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
